Is Outer Beauty the New Universal Sign of Acceptance?

Hannah and Marnie from HBO series “Girls”

Lena Dunham, the writer and producer for the HBO hit series “Girls,” detailing the lives of four New York ladies navigating through their mid-twenties would beg to differ concerning the question of outer beauty as the sign of universal acceptance. Seeing that her socially awkward and frumpy character Hannah, seems to lure in some of the most attractive suitors on the show. Most recent being Joshua, a middle aged doctor played by the insatiably handsome Patrick Wilson. Many would argue that “Girls” is only a TV show. My reply would be yes it is, but one that mocks the life experiences of a coterie of females so fucking well that no matter how staged the scenario, reality is wedged in there somewhere. With that being said, if we were only exploring Hannah’s character, outer beauty could not be a form of universal acceptance, but because of her attractive bff Marnie, it just might be, or is it?

Why do I ask?

I was the epitomy of an or rather African girl, throughout grade school. Far from the posh queen of cool, I occasionally mingled with the go-to girls to bask in their ambiance in hopes of adopting their glow. It royally sucked, but in hindsight was necessary to my development [#longlivetheuncool]. What I envied most about these now women was the universal acceptance that seemed to come with their looks. It appeared nothing was withheld from them. Were they actually the chosen people? As I’ve gotten older, and graciously grown into my looks I’ve realized, not so. This could be because I’m not yet an official member of the ‘pyt’ club, or that outward beauty only gets you in the door, but not beyond the lobby.

Marnie and her egotistical art fling, Booth Johnson

What Would Lena Say?

Hannah’s best friend Marnie has the looks thing down: she’s skinny, fair skinned, has polished hair, and did I mention skinny? Basically all the things that society has etched out in its code of attraction handbook. Despite her looks, Marnie has landed in some super sketchy situations in man-candy land. After dumping her last lover for having a bad case of the boring boyfriend syndrome, the serial dater goes on to sleep with Hannah’s gay roommate, mutual friend, and ex boyfriend Elijah while cleaning up after a house party. While venting to Marnie about his alcoholic boyfriend, Elijah briefly alludes to his confused sexuality. I’m sure he was struck by the ambiance of her fresh perfume, soft skin and supple breasts and fell face first in her cleavage. So much so that he socially accepted her as a desirable mate despite being with a man. After his hasty test drive, he comes to his senses to marvel in disgust at what he’s allowed to take place. In this case it would appear that outward beauty is a universal sign of social acceptance, not only for the attractive individual but both parties involved, the party being Elijah.

Marnie’s next love affair is with the egotistical artist, better known as Booth Johnson, who audaciously proclaims he’ll sleep with her within minutes of meeting her - flattery gets you anywhere. Yes, she sleeps with him, only after realizing she did so because of the socially accepted idea of his profession and looks. In this case Marnie approaches his success as a universal sign of acceptance.

Hannah, on the other hand is short, chubby, tatted, and quite tackless. But attracts men just the same, two of which, her ex boyfriend Adam and latest fling Joshua, fall for her witty personality, honesty, and satirical confidence. But in both cases, as with Marnie’s interactions, it only gets her so far. While with Adam, Hannah quickly realizes how clinically insane and co-dependent he really is, after accepting his mountaineering charm and brawniness as socially cool, and pushing herself upon him until he’s forced to ignore her looks, and by default fall for her charm. Same backwards story with Joshua. The successful doctor is completely smitten with Hannah’s sociable wit when he first meets her, but after two days is turned off when she proves how outwardly insecure she really is.

Based on Marnie and Hannah’s circumstances we can conclude that both outer and inner beauty are universal signs of acceptance, but on their own are incapable of taking you the full distance – and the point in any relationship and or venture in life is to go the distance, right?

 

Hannah and her middle-aged doctor fling, Joshua

Where Do We Go From Here?

So, outward beauty is a universal sign of acceptance, but it only takes you so far if you’re battling insecurity on the inside, and inner beauty gets you no where if you’re not equally confident on the outside. Meaning, the total package thing is kind of necessary, and despite what you’ve heard, is very obtainable. “Girls” is a modern day interpretation of young women looking to complete their package. Although it can be difficult with the media constantly vomiting up new trends to follow, new weight loss goals to try, and new lash extensions to buy, it makes the picture of perfection seem surreal. Much is the case when you spend too much time idolizing someone else’s idea perfection, as I did as a young adult, instead of discovering your own. But if it’s our perfection we’re after, I doubt it’ll be difficult to obtain seeing that it belongs to us. 

How to Discover Your Curiosity

Remember when you were a young lad and everything seemed like an adventure? The world was a new place, and exploring it was the most exciting thing ever! You were curious about everything, and fear was a foreign term. One day you did something your mother didn’t approve of, and to ensure you didn’t do it again she put the fear of God in you. At school the next day your teacher cuts your recess time in half for failing to do an assignment as instructed, and you begin to learn if I do this, I’ll loose this. As a result your curiosity wanes because of the supposed risks associated with it. A woman by the name of Kriistina Hiukka, Founder of Women in Innovation, schooled me on the game of curiosity, where I determined that I had self consciously stopped exercising my muscles of inquisition. Adamant on regaining this lost ability, I took to new experiences.

You see, curiosity stimulates the heart and activates our sensory perceptions, allowing us to truly experience a moment, as opposed to our heads which dilute all sensual emotions. Curiosity allows us to discover more about ourselves. Why is learning about yourself so important? Well, I figure each of us desires to live the life we were destined to live as opposed to the less than appetizing one we’re currently coasting through, and such a thing can’t happen without curiosity convincing us to turn over the rock on the beach and uncover the life living underneath. This exploration brings forth an understanding. Understanding births certainty. And when you have a certainty or rather a know, you have a confidence that can move a mountain, if you so choose. That confidence ushers you to create the life created for you. Now who wouldn’t want to know about that? 

Below are a few steps on re-discovering your curiosity. The first one is easy: check your memory bank to see the last time you exercised it. If it hasn’t been used in a while you may have some trouble remembering, in which case continue reading below.

• Write down a list of things that have always piqued your interest.
• Below each item, write down a fear as to why you haven’t done it.
• Analyze the fear. Now analyze the item and or thing that you’re curious about. Identify which is stronger.
• Cross out the weaker action: for example if your curiosity is stronger with a particular action, cross out the fear and vice versa. Do this with your entire list.
• After, look at your list. Which curiosities remain?
• Do them! You’ll have at least 1 curiosity left, start there. After you’ve done it, create another list and explore again. Instead of thinking of it as conquering your fears, think of it as living out your curiosities.

 

Photo by: Smiles-fall.tumblr.com

 

How would you like to enter the New Year?

Photo by: Carmen Daneshmandi

Resolutions concerning good health and the like are fabulous, but without a change in one’s mindset you find yourself quickly resorting back to your old ways midway through the year. [#bust]

I noticed this 2 years ago when I found myself committing to New Year’s resolutions that just never stuck. It was frustrating; why wasn’t I able to follow through with what I set out to do each year? I realized that although I had physically changed my old actions and habits, my old mindset stayed the same.

It isn’t enough to simply alter how you go about conducting yourself because the real magic happens in the command center of your own mind, and that’s where the true change has to begin. The mindset you exit the old year with and enter the New Year in has the ability to throw an extremely large monkey wrench into your 2013 resolutions and or plans if you aren’t aware of the change that has to take place in your own mind.

When I first made a point to start changing my mindset in order to manifest the change I wanted to see, it seemed, better yet it sounded impossible! How could I think differently when I had thought one way my whole life? Not so. I started by just saying no to an old way of thinking and yes to a new one. I remember telling myself “this year I’m going to________” (insert something you’ve always wanted to do but never thought you could), and shortly after I started doing it! It’s the power of the mind and the ability it has to manifest whatever you think or believe it to. The same applies to New Year’s weight loss goals, starting your own business or conquering your fears - they’re all possible! It starts with your thoughts.

Here’s to exiting 2012 with a refreshed mindset, and entering 2013 manifesting divine changes the whole year through! Meoooww. 
Happy New Year ya'll, can't wait to see you in 2013...

 

Know Thy Self

Have you ever questioned who you are or what the hell your purpose is? Well step on down the line because I’m constantly asking myself the same question. It’s perfectly alright that we don’t exactly know the answer. What matters is that we’re taking steps towards finding it out – seek and we shall find!

Much of the time the self that we do identify with is farthest from the truth. Instead they’re characteristics we've adopted from others and mistakenly labeled as ourselves. The culprits may include family, friends, lovers, media etc. Everything around us is an influence and if easily malleable, you’re fucked!

So how do we avoid being influenced and shaped by the world around us?  
Simple, know thyself.  
But what if we need help in that department as well?

I’ll give you an idea but it will be uncomfortable. Sometimes the best way to find out who you are is to separate yourself from the things you identify yourself with. That could be video-games, stripping, monotonous religion, friends, eating, drugs and or family. Those are all influences, they aren’t you. To find you requires discovering why you perceived said influences as you in the first place? Did they bring some kind of comfort or are you hiding behind them? We’re getting warmer people! These may be uncomfortable questions to ask ourselves but they're necessary. Once we uncover the answers we will undoubtedly be closer to knowing the truth of who we are. So let’s start asking while simultaneously peeling away thick, cakey layers of influence to unveil our true selves!

Meow mi amors and Happy Thanksgiving.